Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
