'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
We got so high we made milksteak
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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