Nicole vs. Life
where am i from again
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
