so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
