I'm passing your future prison.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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