i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
