How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
