Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
