I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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