fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
