What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
