you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
