Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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