You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
