i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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