just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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