that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
