party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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