Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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