my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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