he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
