how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
