His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
