He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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