The beer is more important than you right now.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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