I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Ladies don't puke and tell
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
A bitchslap is in order.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
