I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
