I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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