We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
