Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It's shark week go big or go home
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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