Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
