lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
