I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
