You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
