my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
