omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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