people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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