so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
