After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
