i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
