I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just gift wrapped bread.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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