Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
