at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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