My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Randomize
