I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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