Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
