so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize