Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
