Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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