obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
