What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
