I think I am morally bankrupt
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
