I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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