I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
