Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
