are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
