Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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