How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
