He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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