All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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