So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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