i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Someone shattered a urinal.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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