And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
