We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
