When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
