I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
