god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
