i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
