I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
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we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
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For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Dick very happy bro
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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