I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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