here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
