I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
