I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
