i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Hippo gnu deer
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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