just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
