did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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